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<h1 style="margin: 2em 0px 5px 8px; padding: 0px 100px 0.2em 0px; font-size: 2.2em; font-weight: 500; text-shadow: #cccccc 2px 2px 3px; border: 0px none;">Why Receiving Is Hard</h1>
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<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Often many people, in particular codependents, find it hard to receive. In fact, codependents are more comfortable giving or even self-sacrificing than receiving. Yet they wonder why they're in relationships with "selfish" or narcissistic partners. They might fantasize receiving, but keep right on giving and not suspect that their predicament is not just due to their partners' selfishness, but also due to their own difficulty in receiving.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">It is a symptom of deeper issues that may be hidden in our unconscious. Until resolved, they remain obstacles to receiving real love.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">How do you feel when you receive a compliment or a gift? Do you ever ask for a favor or help, or would you rather do it yourself? These are just small examples compared to being in a relationship where you receive love, help, and cooperation on a daily basis. Here are a few of the obstacles and beliefs that prevent us from receiving:</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;"><strong>Shame</strong><br />A major reason we have trouble receiving is that we don't feel worthy. We feel too flawed, undeserving, or unlovable. We might not trust people's intentions or find it hard to believe they care enough about us to give or do something for us unless there is an equal exchange. We think, "Why would someone do that for me or say those nice things?"</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Shame also makes us reluctant to reveal aspects of ourselves we disown (don't know about) or disparage. Particularly when we're in need of help we might feel ashamed of our limitations or feel "weak" and unlikable. If needs, wants, or dependency were shamed in childhood, then we learned to be self-sufficient and not ask or want anything from someone else-a far better solution than to experience shame when we're vulnerable. As adults, we expect or attract other people to react as our parents did. If early shaming was chronic or severe, we might repress our needs and wants so much that they're buried in our unconscious. It might never occur to us to ask for help.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;"><strong>Control and Safety</strong><br />When we receive we're in a more vulnerable position. Imagine someone listening to us talk a long time, helping us physically, unilaterally sexually pleasuring us, or even driving us somewhere. Receiving requires that we trust to allow someone to have power over. An abusive partner is unsafe. If we've been abused or controlled in the past, being in such a vulnerable position could make us feel unsafe even with someone who isn't. We don't want to be judged or be controlled. We rather be in control than have someone control us. This is based on past dysfunctional experiences of being in relationships based on control, rather than respect and cooperation.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">A corollary to this is the fear that we might owe the other person. We fear that we're a burden or that we'll be indebted to someone who now has our IOU. To avoid this, we might want to even the score and immediately give back in some way or pay for what we get. We don't believe that we have a right to say "no" to any request they may make on us in the future.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Do you ever feel guilty receiving or feel you must return the favor? This is irrational, false guilt. Would you rather suffer than call your doctor after office hours? Giving for free is a novel concept when we grow up with parents who give with strings attached or parents who complain about or envy what they give and do for us.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;"><strong>Fear of Intimacy</strong><br />Being vulnerable allows other people to see us and connect with us. Receiving opens up parts of ourselves that long to be loved, seen, and understood. It tenderizes us when we're truly receiving. My heart melted when I received a tremendous outpouring of support on social media following a serious car accident I had. I felt gratitude and appreciation toward all the people who offered their kindness and caring. In an intimate relationship, this fosters love.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">When we're a "one-person show" and do everything for ourselves, we feel self-sufficient and in control, but the price is loneliness and isolation. We don't realize that it's human to need and that giving and receiving rewards both participants. It's a natural flow of energy that permits love, closeness, and intimacy.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;"><strong>Training and Culture</strong><br />Perhaps, we were trained to be self-reliant or learned that having our needs meant we were weak or needy. In some religions and cultures, it's considered selfish or impolite to ask and receive. In the Persian culture, it's considered proper to refuse compliments, to initially decline a gift, and rude to ask for one.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Our natural need and requests for comfort, love, and support may have been ignored, rejected, or belittled. These false, shame-based beliefs can make us withdraw or behave in needy ways, rather than to directly ask for what we need and want.</p>
<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;"><strong>How to Feel Worthy of Receiving</strong><br />Feeling worthy of receiving affects your entire personality and psyche. You can change your beliefs. It's the result of a journey of recovery. Here are steps you can take:</p>
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<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Ask yourself whether you give too much, and why. Analyze your beliefs around receiving.</li>
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<br />
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<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Build your self-esteem.</li>
</ul>
<br />
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<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Read how to overcome guilt.</li>
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<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Heal shame you carry from your childhood in Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.</li>
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<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">&copy; DarleneLancer 2021</p>
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<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, expert in relationships, codependency, addiction and author of Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. She has a broad range of experience, working with individuals and couples for 30years. She is an author and frequent speaker. She maintains private practice in Santa Monica, CA and coaches internationally. For more information, webinars, and talks, see&nbsp;<a style="color: #a30006;" href="http://www.whatiscodependency.com/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">http://www.whatiscodependency.com</a>&nbsp;to receive a FREE Report, "14 Tips for Letting Go," and find links to her books and eBooks, How to Speak Your Mind- Become Assertive and Set Limits, 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism, Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People, Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps, Freedom from Guilt and Blame - Finding Self-Forgiveness, "I&acute;m Not Perfect-I&acute;m Only Human"- How to Beat Perfectionism, and Codependency Daily Reflections.</p>
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<p style="margin: 0px 0px 1em; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5em;">Article Source:&nbsp;<a style="color: #a30006;" href="https://ezinearticles.com/expert/Darlene_Lancer/563438">https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Darlene_Lancer/563438</a></p>
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